January 2011 was not so bad, in retrospect.

There was this:

Nice, huh?
That was during a weekend in the Val d'Illiez, Switzerland.
It was all cute and stuff...

And there was this, too:

I has a fun weekend with a girlfriend who works as a translator each year at the big Solothurn Film Festival in Switzerland. It was fun to watch the movies from the booth and get the insider's view of everything...
And Solothurn turned out to be a very cute Swiss town:

Come to think of it, I spent a lot of time in Switzerland this last month....
I guess there's worse places to be.

At any rate, Valentine had no time for gallivanting pointlessly around foreign countries.
She stayed home, working hard:

What a good girl! And so talented! And lovely!

And finally....our cat, Daisy, who spent the entire month of January working assiduously to become even more gloriously porky.

Well done, kitty!

Just so you know...
If someone offers you a choice between the two following options:
1. See the new Scorsese film "Shutter Island"
or
2. Get your eye poked by a sharp stick,
my recommendation is that you take a good, long look at the stick in question. If it seems to be relatively clean and free of any obvious splinters, you should go with the stick. Chances are, you'll be fine, with some good medical care.

Maybe your eye won't thank me for this bit of wisdom, but your brain will. Your brain does NOT want to deal with "Shutter Island".
Trust me.

What's not to like? (spoiler alert: if you're determined to see this film despite my good advice, you'd best get off the bus here)

Well, most obviously, there's Leo DiCaprio's squinting and brow-furrowing ("acting").

There's the distracting accents. Somewhere between the dialect coaching sessions and the eventual performances, something went horribly, terribly wrong. I know people from Boston and they really don't sound like that. At all.
There's the overwrought "scary" score that I would have expected from a brand new, not too smart filmaker. Some subtletly, please? If something is frightening, I don't need jangy, staccato piano notes and/or screechy strings to tell me so.
There's the threadbare "suspense" plot that gives away the ending with ten minutes of the opening shot.
There's a horrific, drawn-out-beyond-the-realms-of-good-taste scene near the end which is completely gratuitous (because the audience already knows the details of the traumatic event) and seems to be there just for the shock value of seeing small dead children and giving DiCaprio another chance to over-act.
And don't even get me started on the Dachau scenes. Just don't.

About 30 minutes into the film, I leaned over to JP and whispered "Scorsese has lost his freaking mind."

Not that I've ever been a big Scorsese fan. Lots of his films are about the mafia (Casino, The Departed, Goodfellas) and one (considered by many to be his best) is about boxing (Raging Bull). These are two subjects that are completely uninteresting to me (as are race car driving, football and watching paint dry) and I go out of my way to avoid movies about these things, even if they are supposed to be "good" ones.
Another problem is that Scorsese made many of his films in the 1970's . This was an era in film-making when it was fashionable to make everything look like crap. Really ugly crap. On the big screen, even the most glamorous movie stars looked like homeless heroin addicts. (In fact, even the "adorable" orphan in Disney's 'Pete's Dragon' (1977) looked like a homeless heroin addict!) I was only a kid, but I couldn't help but notice that things in movieland had suddenly gotten ugly, dirty and sexual (in a cheap, scary kind of way).
We're just lucky Scorsese and his ilk never got a hold of "The Sound of Music".

The only Scorsese film that I admire is "The Gangs of New York". The whole "gritty realism" thing worked to bring to life a very realistic mid-19th century city in a way that I don't think had been seen before and hasn't since. But maybe I'm biased because I'm an archaeologist and have spent a lot of time trying to imagine the past and he did a great job with the historical aspects.

The above is just to flash my credentials as a non-Scorsese-worshipping filmgoer. I won't, as so many seem to be doing, cut him any slack on this one. It's NOT a good film and you shouldn't waste your time.

My only two consolations are that
a. we went to a cheap show and only paid 4 euros each to get in
and
b. I still have both of my eyes intact.


(Many thanks to blogger/artist Sean McGlinchey for the use of his crazy sketch. Check out more of his stuff here)

Most of the criticism I’ve heard about « Avatar » boils down to this: we’ve seen it all before.
Not the special effects- most people seem to agree that the film looks great, especially in 3D. What they are referring to is the story - how every scene seems to echo something from « Dances with Wolves« , « Pocahontas« , « The Last of the Mohicans » and a score of other films that deal with colonists vs. natives.

In short, the film is not « original ».

And original is good, right? I love to hear a new story just as well as the next person.
But here’s the thing: people all over the world (and throughout all of human history, probably) also love hearing the same stories over and over and over again. But not just any stories- special ones, with particular themes and character types that we never seem to grow tired of. These stories/myths/legends deal with archetypal events (birth, initiation, etc) and archetypal figures (hero, trickster, mother, etc).

You could, as I heard one recent reviewer on NPR do, call « Avatar » a montage of tired old tropes . (In fact, she used the word « trope » so many times in her five minute review that it made me suspect that she’d gotten a word-a-day calendar for Christmas). But if you know the work of , say, Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell or James Frazer, you might instead call the film an archetypal narrative.

I have a master’s degree in anthropology and that background heavily influences me when I see a film like « Star Wars » or « Avatar » . Calling myths and fairy tales « unoriginal » isn’t very interesting or useful to me. What’s really fascinating is finding the common cross-cultural themes. What are the stories/themes that get repeated for generations? What’s in them that’s true and holds lessons for every new generation?


« Avatar » features a hero that must go through initiation and rebirth, two of the most basic ancient archetypal events. He’s the outsider that transforms himself by passing through trials and becomes an insider.

And then there’s the Tree of Souls. You ever read a big old book called « The Bible »? No? Then please find one and just read the first few pages. Done? Good. Did you notice that there’s kind of an important tree in it? That’s one good clue that the « sacred tree » is an archetypal concept. And if even ONE more person says or writes « There’s a ‘tree of life’ in Pocahontas and a ‘tree of souls’ in « Avatar »! COPYCATS! GAH! » I may just have to whomp him/her on the head with a large, heavy sacred tree branch.
(For extra credit, look in the second half of the Bible. It features a character that sacrifices his earthly body to save an entire race…)

I’m not saying the film is explicitly Christian. What I’m saying is that both this film and the Bible tap into much older archetypes- ancient templates that help humans understand the world. And at some deep level, most of us understand this, because most of us seem willing to listen to/read/watch these primal narratives over and over again. « Original » and « new and improved » as desirable attributes are relatively modern inventions. When someone sits down to hear about how her culture says the world began, she doesn’t want to hear something different every time. That desire children have to hear the same story repeated every night is deeply ingrained and there's a reason for it.

Is « Avatar » unoriginal?
Well…yeah, it is. But that's not what we need to be asking.
How about let's ask: Did it tell a story you want to hear? Do you want to hear it again? Did you find it satisfying at some deep level? Did you find it emotionally involving?

I’d have to say « yes » to all those questions. Even though I «knew» the story, I found it very touching and the 161 minutes of running time seemed to fly by. Even better, I liked the discussion it provoked among my children. It provided a framework for talking about greed, ecology, colonialism and racism (sometimes I was uncomfortable with how it portrayed the « noble savages ». And also: Why does the future have no black people, Mr. Cameron ?)

I liked "Avatar" very much, just as I liked "Star Wars" and "LOTR", two other symbolically rich, archetype-laden films. And instead of ignorantly picking at it, I wish the critics would go read something first- something like Campbell's "The Hero With a Thousand Faces", a very fine old book on comparative mythology and archetypes. Then we'll talk.

Also: I think Michelle Rodriguez is a very fine actress. Why does she always have to play the tough-Latina-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-gets-killed-off-before-the -film-is-even-over ?
Just asking.

Plus, someone should tell Leona Lewis that « Titanic » called and it wants it’s theme-song back.

This month, I’ve got a favorite season, pod cast, food, a website, song, tv show …

November Top 10 List

1. Fall- Nine years in the relatively invariable climate of West Africa gifted me with a mad love for seasons. These days, put me in a temperate zone and whatever season I’m in is my favorite, just because I know it will all change in just the course of a few months.
So, right now it’s autumn in the Haute Savoie and all I can say is: gorgeous.

2. A Way With Words- I want Martha and Grant to come visit me, tell me interesting stuff and be my bestest friends 4ever. Is that creepy? Is it inappropriate to feel so strongly about two public radio hosts that I’ve never met? Probably, but I’m powerless against the charms of their hour-long show that examines all the oddities and foibles of the English language. I laugh and learn something new every week. If you are curious about English slang, grammar, old sayings, word origins, regional dialects, family expressions, and just speaking and writing well, this is the go-to program…

3. Burkina-style Peanut Sauce - This is the national dish of Burkina Faso. Cooking it brings my four kids down to the kitchen saying « Smells like Ouagadougou !». It also has the advantage of impressing guests, as most people have never eaten it before- especially not an authentic version. You need: chicken broth, tomato paste, Maggi seasoning cube (but use it appropriately!!) , peanut oil, chicken (thighs work best), vegetables (for sure cabbage, also sweet potatoes and green beans. Eggplant, potatoes, and carrots are also good) You also need a bunch of peanut butter- preferably one made specifically for African dishes. Skippy or Jiff won’t work. Fresh-ground stuff from a health food store would do nicely.
All of this is assembled into a sauce and then usually served with tô. But rice works, too. If this sounds tasty, leave me a note in the comments section and I’ll give details on the recipe so you can make it at home…a bit of Burkina chez vous.

4. Cake Wrecks: Many thanks are owed to Joy and a few other readers that led me to this endlessly fascinating blog that documents the worst in professional cake decorating. Today, for example, it features a birthday cake that is « ornamented » with a pile of dead leaves on top of the icing. Not marzipan foliage, mind you, but actual dead, rotting leaves. Must be seen to be believed, really… Go check it out and consider it your « Cake Tuesday » offering from me.

5. I Gotta Feeling- I don’t usually get popular songs stuck in my head. My strange brain tends to add only oddities to my inner soundtrack. For example, when a pal burned me a cd with a song in on it about trapped miners committing cannibalism, I was humming it for days. And a more recent brain-worm tune for me has been the old hymn « In the Sweet By and By ». So, I’m not generally a Black Eyed Peas-ish kind of person. But when I took the kids to the cinema a few weeks back, I ended up wearing funny glasses, listening to talking guinea pigs wishing I were in the next room over watching Surrogates . But that was only appropriate for my older kids and, so I was keeping the twins company as they enjoyed G-Force. It turned out to be tolerably cute, as I am rather fond of guinea pigs. So, now the song I Gotta Feeling (prominently featured in the film) makes me think of secret agent rodents speeding down the highway in over-sized hamster balls and I smile… Plus, this is the only song that I know the words to that has the phrase "mazel tov" in it.

6. Glee- I’d seen it mentioned a few times on the web by bloggers I like, so I downloaded the first episode of the series. Then, I settled down with my three daughters to watch it. It’s kind of like High School Musical, right?
Wrong.
It’s clever, scorchingly mean, amazingly funny and SO not for 11 year olds. So, the twins don’t get to watch, but Tya and I are enjoying it. As someone who was in the school music scene back in high school, I find it particularly enjoyable. I think Tya likes it because the world of a US high school looks so exotic to her…there’s no cheerleaders or swing choirs in French lycées- not ever. Quelle idée!

7. Asphalt- Maybe it smells a bit dreadful, but it is still my favorite paving material for the month of November. As I write this, a team of eight men is outside my house, putting the finishing touches on our newly-paved driveway and parking area! It’s actually fascinating to watch (to me, anyway…but then, I don’t get out much) and I just spent an hour leaning out of Tya’s bedroom window, watching them work. JP was teasing me, saying that only old men like to stand around and watch construction projects. I begged to differ. Small boys like to, as well.
By Friday, it will all be cooled, hardened, and ready to drive on. Yippee!

8. The Nation- a brilliant magazine that keeps me in touch with US politics and helps me not be (too much of) an idiot.

9. The Annemasse Conservatory of Music- It’s a small school run by the city of Annemasse, just about a 20 minute drive from my house. In September, I joined the choral group there and am really enjoying it. It’s not just the singing itself and the nice new friends I‘ve made- it’s the whole ambiance of the place. It’s heavenly to be in a building full of nothing but musicians who are busy learning and improving. Very inspiring.

10. Top 10 Lists- They are so very appealing. Make one and you automatically feel organized and authoritative. The only problem is that, while 10 is a nice, round number, it can be hard to come up with that many good items….

I saw the previews on the internet and they made the show look very amusing. But I'd learned my lesson with "The Hangover" and was not going to take anything for granted.
Maybe it was a trick.
So, I looked up the dvd of "Lost in Austen" on Amazon.com and read the reviews there. They were nearly 100% raving positive. Adjectives like "delighful", "light-hearted" and "fun" showed up often. And I was was repeatedly promised that any true Austen fan would simply adore this British TV mini-series.
Reassured, I carefully downloaded the original, full version and then settled down to watch it with my children.
And guess what?
I didn't like it.
At all.
It was badly-written, vulgar and had plot holes big enough for a particularly large apatosaurus to walk through. And how I wished one would have done so and mercilessly trampled the people responsible for the script. But I digress...

First of all, here's the Amazon blurb describing the plot :
"Amanda Price is sick of the modern world. She yearns for the romance and elegance found in the books by her favorite author, Jane Austen. But she's about to get a rude awakening as one fateful evening, she is propelled into the scheming 19th century world of Pride and Prejudice while that book's Elizabeth Bennet is hurled into hers. As the book's familiar plot unfolds, Amanda triggers new romantic twists and turns within the Bennet family circle as she clumsily tries to help the sisters nab husbands and even captivates the tantalizing Mr. Darcy herself. But what about Elizabeth...and what will become of one of the world's greatest love stories"

Not that it's accurate-from the moment the heroine steps through the magical bathroom wall-door, nothing goes according to the plot of the novel. And it's strange that this supposed "fan" of Austen, who has read 'Pride and Prejudice' a hundred times, doesn't even blink an eye when a major character shows up immediately, long before he's supposed to.

The problems with the plot are too numerous to go through one by one. But here's an example: Amanda prances around the Bennet household for a day wearing her 21st century pants and top. Nobody seems the least bit surprised or shocked. And when one of the sisters finally remarks on her "unusual" clothing, she tells them it's her "otter-hunting kit". Right.

The really horrible moments, though, arise from Amanda's 21st century vulgarity. While she's supposedly someone whose always dreamed of living in the elegant civility of the past, she seems to have a LOT of trouble curbing her mouth and her behavior. She gets drunk at a ball, insults people (even when not drunk) with charming epithets such as "bumface" ('buttface' to you Americans out there) and just basically wreaks havoc. So much for making an effort at fitting in.

Many of the plot problems stem from the fact that the scriptwriters apparently never read the original book. For example, when Amanda arrives, Mr. Bennet offers her Lizzie's bed. Anybody who has read the book even once knows that Jane and Lizzie share both a bedroom and a bed. But Amanda goes upstairs to the room and it's all hers alone, with a single bed. And then she wakes up, surprised and shocked to find Lydia in bed beside her. She accuses her of looking for "girl on girl action" and then, in the biggest gross-out moment of the film, she flashes her "pubes" at poor Lydia and talks about her "landing strip".

Are films based on Jane Austen booked supposed to have gross-out moments?

I don't think so.

It was really repulsive and gratuitous. It has nothing to do with the plot- in fact, it made no sense at all, and was not even funny. Especially for people trying to watch with their family.

It's such a shame, as the idea was cute and there were a few good moments in the film. Not many- but a few.

Frankly, I don't know what to make of all these self-described "Austen fans" who "love 'Pride and Prejudice' saying that this is a great show and that it does Austen proud.

They are possibly all on crack.

finally, since I hate write only negative things... which I seem to do a lot of lately - here's my hint for the day to make your life better: If you are an "Austen fan" just because you have read 'Pride and Prejudice' (or because you think Colin Firth is hot when he's all wet), please take the time to read some OTHER novel by Jane Austen besides P&P.

May I suggest 'Persuasion' ?

It's the last book that Austen finished before her death at age 42. It's my favorite and is probably the most deeply touching of all her novels. If you must have a movie, get the Amanda Root (1995) version, NOT the 2007 version. The latter makes too many changes to the plot. On top of that, male characters tend to spend 'quality time' together, confiding their innermost feelings to each other...I was expecting a drum circle at one point. This male-bonding advances the plot faster, but is not very true to the spirit of the novel.

Anyway, I hope you'll read it. And if you've already done so, maybe I've inspired you to get it out again...

BTW: "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"? No, no and again, no. Thank you.

Finally!! Here’s one of the hundreds of photos of the big day last Saturday night.

And it should be a snap to blog about it, right? The details are VERY fresh in my mind, as I spent yesterday seeing every single moment of it over and over and over and OVER again.

You see, though we spent good money to have someone ‘professional’ actually film and edit the event, it just wasn’t shaping up into something viewable. I went over to the Studio Magic/Magix Photo Plus place yesterday to approve the final cut of the proposed dvd.

It’s a simple, rather run-down little building. As I got out of the car, a fat white hen ran across my foot. Maybe the "Plus" in the name of the place meant plus poultry?

Almost immediately, a small group of curious neighbourhood children showed up. They were pretty shy, but very polite- each shaking my hand, the girls adding a little bouncy mini-curtsey. None of them had pants on.
But then, it was pretty darn hot. I kind of envied them.

I sat in a plastic garden chair (best seat in the house) and watched the film. TWO hours long. Nothing was left out. I think that Pierre (the proud owner of the SMPP) is used to clients that are happy with sheer volume. If you pay 100 dollars, you want a BIG film! But I am one of those ADD adults you hear so much about, I guess. Just can’t sit through a two-hour long Burkina-style dvd. Too much Sesame Street as a tot, perhaps. All those catchy songs and changes of scenery.

But honestly- there were three adult baptisms right in the middle of the service. It was ALL in our film and I don’t even know any of the people.

“Do you have some time?” I asked Pierre. “We need to sit down and change a few little things…”

We worked for two hours and then broke for lunch.

“Have you ever had a client do this before?” I asked. “Edit the film with you?”

“No.”

But he’s a great guy and seems to be taking it very well. Maybe he calls me The Client from Hell behind my back, but that would only be just and well-deserved.

He seems to want us to be happy with the film. And we almost are.

We’ve spent fours hours on it so far. But just a bit more work tomorrow morning and it should be done.

Valentine stood behind Alexa, touching up her sister's blonde ringlets with the curling iron. Pierre the Photographer and his trusty young assistant crowded into the bedroom doorway, filming and snapping pictures.

For the next seven hours on that Saturday the Jacob family would make no move not documented by our own personal paparazzi. I hired these fellows on recommendation from a Burkinabé friend.

Studio Magix Photo Plus, it’s called. “Plus what?” you may be asking. Well, let me tell you - Pierre gave me a sample film to watch and it was “plus” every single special effect in his editing software. The image of the newlyweds exchanging vows went heart-shaped, folded over into a box and then turned into a butterfly and fluttered off into an aquarium full of virtual fish. And that was just the first 30 seconds.

Our whole family watched, completely enthralled. It was fascinatingly bad. JP remarked that it should be aired at Cannes and then said, quite seriously, that we HAD to buy a copy of it to show to a film-making pal of ours in Switzerland.

Strange coincidence: the film featured a marriage that JP and I were invited to last February! It was the wedding of a young French researcher where JP works and a Burkinabé student. As we were pretty busy and I didn’t even know Elodie to say “Bonjour” to in the street, we declined. But if we had made a bit of effort, we too could have been in the amazing wedding video!

There was no question about it. We NEEDED a cool Burkina-style video of the twins’ big day!

Digital, 35mm and video. The guys juggled cameras and followed us gamely into the garden for some portraits. Then it was time to get the twins to the church.

Have I mentioned yet that it was hot? It was hot. I think my confident citing of predictions for cooler weather for the weekend jinxed the whole thing. It was especially hot if you happened to be wearing a floor-length, long sleeved, high-necked robe, as in the case of the twins and their little friends.

Our church members include people of very different economic means. There are very wealthy families alongside people that don’t even own a bicycle. That means that some of the girls can fly to Paris and buy magnificent dresses for their First Communion. Others are not so lucky. So, the tradition at our church is that all the children wear white robes lent out by the church. If you have a fancy dress, you have to save it for your party afterwards. I think it’s a great rule, even though the robes are hot in the Burkina spring temperatures.

At 8am this morning I was forced into a confrontation with a hard truth. Luckily, I’d had my coffee already, so I could take it like a woman, but it was still grim. The fact is that within three months everything in our house will have to either be sold or be packed into a huge metal box and sent to France on a big boat. And no matter how hard I wish, kindly bush fairies are not going to materialise and do it all for me.

However, it probably wouldn’t hurt to give some extra food to JP’s Fetish that lurks in our closet. I figure it could only improve the possibility of some supernatural aid...

No, no that kind of fetish. Quit giggling and get your minds out of the gutter, you lot. I am referring to the kind defined in my 1930 Little Oxford Dictionary as an "inanimate object worshipped by savages". (Many of the definitions this little gem are so racist and biased they are hilarious, in a sad sort of way.)

So, perhaps I have never before mentioned that a Winyé Earth Priest long ago presented my husband with his own Fetish, which he keeps in a metal box in our bedroom closet?

Well, it's true.

As fetishes go, it’s not a big one- about 18cm. From what I can see, it consists of a bundle of animal hair plastered with mud around one end. Not like I’m allowed to feed it or even touch it, being a girl and all.

It was presented to JP about 15 years ago and has been quite a responsibility.

Trust me when I say that you don’t want one.

First of all, it has to eat. You can’t just dump it in a box in the basement and forget about it. You have to care for it. It prefers chicken blood, but is ok with eggs. You just sort of smear the egg yolk all over the dried mud end.
Which brings us to the second problem with having an African Fetish around the house:

It just might get invaded by a colony of ants (Why? See Fetish eating habits outlined above) and turn your closet into one of those 1970’s eco-horror movies whose title consists of a noun and an exclamation point, such as Locusts! or, more to the point: Ants! The insects in these films are always angry and numerous. And they don’t care that you compost religiously and recycle your old magazines because you Respect the Earth. They are just mad and swarmy and then you have to spray poison all over them. Then you feel guilty. And furthermore, is it doctrinally ok to spray Raid all over an African fetish?

Oh great. Now you’ve made the Fetish mad.

See?

And yes, this really did actually happen to us back in France. Thank you for asking.

BTW - there was a film called Ants! that came out in about 1977 . And those ants were mean, as I recall. They ate poor Myrna Loy's wheelchair. (A wooden wheelchair, though? Major plot contrivance there. It would have been better if the ants had mutated to possess aluminium-crunching jaws. JMHO. )

We had electricity yesterday all day long, which was very appreciated What I did not have was even a minute to spend on the computer, blogging or keeping up on emails...
It was my own fault, really. In an attempt to avoid brain-exploding cognitive dissonance, I ended up with a very, very busy day.
You see, I think of myself as a nice person, so it kind of locks me into doing lots of nice things.
If I don't do nice things, that means I'm not nice.
And If I'm not nice, I'm probably bad.
And bad leads to evil.
Oh no!
So, I had to say 'yes' when asked late Friday night if we (Valentine got dragged into this as well. She's also really nice. ) would babysit a friend's four children Saturday morning. Then half an hour later, she called to ask if the four children of one of her friends could come as well.
The parents would all be at a wedding in a nearby neighborhood. They said it would take an hour...which I knew was just completely mad wishful thinking. There's no WAY a Burkinabé wedding could be over in one hour, ever. Just isn't possible. And I just couldn't see consigning 8 young children to sitting outside in the heat on metal chairs with nothing to do for hours. That would be definitely evil.

So, the eight children were brought by on Saturday morning. Plus I have four of my own. Plus my twins had had a sleepover, so their friend L was still at the house. And then their friend A (of Earth Shrine fame) called, sounding sad and bored. So I said she could come over, as well. Heck- when there's 13 kids in the house, one more is not going to make or break you.

The littlest one was K., who Mallory was excited to see ("She's so sweeeeet" Mal says) K is a characater straight out of a Dr. Seuss book- The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
No, she's not large, geen and hairy, harboring a grudge against a major Christian holiday.
She's "Cindy-Lou Who, who was no more than two".
Valentine had special charge of her, as she wasn't feeling well and the big crowd of kids was a bit overwhelming. So, Val carried her around, played with her, jollied her out of a crying jag and in general was a great babysitter the whole time.

The rest of the group was much older and a lot less demanding. The boys (Two 11 year olds, a 12 year old and an admiring 7 year old) stayed in the livingroom, occupied with board games and then a movie.
As for the girls, there were two 5 year olds, a seven year old, and five 10 year olds. My main task was to watch them in the pool. (We have a very small, shallow pool that can just about hold nine pre-adolescent girls.)

The only real challenge was feeding them lunch. It hadn't been planned on, but as noon rolled by, I figured that food would have to be found. I fed them pasta in plastic bowls and I assure you that it looked like a scene from a low-budget orphanage. Valentine even came up to me with her empty bowl in hand and said "Please, sir, I want some more."
It's lovely to have a teenager that quotes me Dickens rather than, say,Larry the Cable Guy. (He's from Nebraska, srsly)

Actually, I lied (Not about Larry- he really is from my home state) But the fact is that it was not any real hardship at all to have 14 kids at the house for a few hours. They were all really well-behaved and lovely to be around. In fact, they were almost supernaturally good and polite.

So, I kept my reputation as a non-evil person, with very little actual cost to myself. Way to go!

And Valentine was, quite rightly, given some cash by the appreciative parents for her efforts.

Other than that, there were errands to run, homework to help with, and all the usual weekend stuff. Plus, I started my kids on a program of viewing the old "StarTrek" films. Last week, I realised that the phrase "Beam me up, Scotty" meant nothing to them. Horror! So, I hurriedly found a copy of the Wrath of Khan at the video club. They didn't have the first ST film, but that's ok because I seem to remember that it wasn't very good. On the other hand, Wrath rocks and the kids loved it.
Next weekend will definitely find us watching The Search for Spock.
Live long and prosper!

We watched a lot of films over the holidays. Some were old holiday favourites, like “Christmas in Connecticut” and “White Christmas”. I love old films: snappy dialogue, elegant clothes and lots of great music. In newer films, obscenities seem to take the place of witty banter. Fred and Ginger are replaced by pole dancers. I know there are good new films out there, but there is so much trash!
And I have another complaint: One night we watched Next, a sci-fi/action film with Nick Cage. The cardboard cut-out bad guy terrorists Hating Our American Freedom and hell bent on blowing up California were a bunch of … French people! The next night was Spiderman 3. When Peter Parker went to a fancy restaurant to impress his sweetie, who was there to greet him? The ever-popular Snotty French Waiter with a Silly Accent. The next night, we watched The Matrix Reloaded. Who’s the bad guy? The Frenchman- yet another arrogant greasy-haired snot with a ridiculous accent and an oversexed girlfriend.

It was getting to be kind of a theme. The next day, I wrote to my fave email pal, Babzee:

“My kids found it all pretty strange. "What's up with that?" they asked. I joked that many Americans must have an inferiority complex vis à vis the French and Hollywood tries to prop up their sad little egos by making French people in films ALWAYS be the 1. snotty waiters and/or 2. evil bad-guys.
Severin said "So, one half of me secretly hates the other half?" and he pretended to choke himself, falling to the ground.”

Babzee quickly wrote back with a more thought-out answer to the question. Her answer is much better than the silly one I gave the kids:
“I haven't seen Next but I remember the ads for it. Not crazy about Nick Cage (but ConAir is a fave). I think there's even more to your psychoanalysis of the American (trash) filmmaker: the French represent the most "foreign" a movie enemy can get without involving race and (real) politics. We used to use the Germans but the stereotype is virtually exhausted now (particularly after the Die Hard series) and the World Wars were a long time ago. "Arabs" (describing everyone from Pakistan to Morocco) are too tough a target right now, unless an undefined zealotry and no dialogue are part of the story), Asians get their own genre. That leaves (as far as Yanks are concerned) Italy (mobbed-up), Russians (we have no idea if there are still Russians, weren't they all retired in 1991?), Balkans (Jack Bauer did it on 24), and Spain, which we really can't tell apart from Mexico. The rest of Europe is France, right?

I saw a movie on TV in which they explained Jean-Claude van Damme's Belgian accent by saying he was from Canada. I love Severin.”

Thanks to Ms. B! She said all I wanted to say and did it better, in the bargain.