Prison Break: The Degu Edition

Pilot Episode

Written by: Burkinamom
Directed by: The Gods of Irony

COLD OPEN:

[INT. KITCHEN-EARLY MORNING]

Mallory: (Enters carrying a small square of glass.) Leon ate his cage! Look! (Holds up the cage door)

(Beth drops the dishcloth she is holding. A cat pounces on it and commences chewing on it. She doesn't notice.)

Beth: Where IS he!!!?? Is he OUT?!!!

Mallory: No. He's still in his cage. He looks kind of...surprised. I don't think he really thought he was ever going to get it open.

Beth: He's just sitting there?

Mallory: Yeah. (She puts the glass cage door down on the table) I blocked off the hole with a book, but I don't think he's that interested in escaping. Chewing on the cage was just....a hobby.

Beth: Yeah...well, I wish he'd take up knitting. It would be a lot cheaper than buying a new cage.

CUT TO:

[INT. DINING ROOM-LATER THAT MORNING]

Valentine: (Looking at Beth as she butters her toast) So, what's on your schedule today?

Beth: (Her mouth full of toast, she does a mime impression of a degu chewing through his cage, the degu escaping, the cage door falling off and then someone driving to a shop to see about getting a new cage.)

Valentine: You are going to eat corn on the cob...pretend to be a dog...open a book ...drive somewhere and...HIT someone?!?

To be fair, I was only planning to hit someone if they wouldn't give me a really good discount on a new cage. I mean, I bought the EXACT cage they recommended at the pet shop and the creature chewed completely through it in less than three months.

Luckily, the people at MaxiPet saw reason and made me a good deal on a cage completely in wire. And Leon seems to like it better. There's more room for him to scamper about.

As to why he didn't rush out of his cage the minute the door fell off, we will probably never know the truth. It happened in the night and he easily could have skittered on out of there and into a nice hidey-hole. After all that effort on his part, I thought there was, you know, a plan. It's like if the captured soldiers in The Great Escape spent all those months digging that tunnel, broke through to the outside and then said "You know, this prison camp is actually pretty darn nice, once you think about it. A guy doesn't want to be hasty. Let's sleep on it."

Maybe Leon was afraid his Chilean accent would give him away and he'd be immediately recaptured while taking the train?