Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I woke up this morning and made french toast for the kids before they went off to school. After I got all the dishes washed and the kitchen cleaned up, Mallory needed a button sewn on her pants...but had somehow lost the button. So, I found another one and got it sewn on.
Next, I washed, dried, folded and put away a load of laundry.
I also planted a windowbox full of geraniums.
When I went back inside, I noticed a suspicious puddle in the living room. Yes, it was the return of the Leaking Sewage from Hell!!
I ran for a bucket, bleach and other supplies and got it cleaned up. Then, of course, I had to inspect the garage and see if there was any leaking in there...
Finally, I cleaned out the litter box, vacuumed the whole ground floor of the house and washed the floors.
As I wrung out the mop, I thought..Gee! I'm tired! I'd better have a cup of coffee and sit down a minute. Then I looked at the clock.
It was 8:45 am.
Dear God. I'd only been awake since 6am and I'd already done what seemed like a full day of work.
I heated up some organic fair-trade arabica in the microwave and sat down with a copy of New Scientist. I figured I'd sit down for 10 minutes before heading out for the days errands. I needed to go to the bank, the post office and the pharmacy.
JP came into the kitchen.
"The stairs are dirty" he announced.
I took out a small gun that I keep handy and killed him.
It was very sad, but I had no choice.

Ok. I didn't actually shoot him.
I simply explained that I'd been very busy with lots of other tasks and hadn't had time to clean all three floors of our house on this particular morning.

In fact, I explained this so well that he immediately apologised profusely.


babzee said...

Welcome to the Sisterhood of Fantasy Mariticidal Maniacs. It's commit or be committed!

oreneta said...


Then I pulled out a littlegun I keep handy!


I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, you'd better get on that then hadn't you."

I don't usually say it in a particularly friendly tone. He doesn't mention things like that to me too often. Nor do the kids.

Beth said...

Cris-I'm reassured that the woman who has survived 31 years of marriage is with me on this one. I was afraid my violent impulses were wrong. Now I know they are a normal reaction and there's even a support group for me. Sweet!

Rocky- Good snappy comeback. I'll use it next time. Unless I really do end up buying a gun...

Patricia said...

So funny! I can totally relate. It is funny how I can do a million things, but the one thing I forgot gets noticed!!!!!!!!!!

babzee said...

Hey, I forgot to mention: You made FRENCH Toast --? Isn't that just "toast" where you live?

Beth said...

Should have know you wouldn't let that slip by unremarked.
Here in the l'Hexagone, we call it 'pain perdu'...lost bread.

Kelly said...

I'll have what you're having!!!