This may be a blogging first: I am trying to write this post while simultaneously sewing! Impressive, non? (I have added a photo as proof, even)

I expect the Guiness Book of World Records to be calling me up any time now...

I'm serious. I've got the sewing machine set up right beside my computer and am alternating between the two. I'm telling you, it's BUSY around here and this is the only way I'lll get a post up this weekend!

Pathetic, really- but there you go.

So, it's not that I don't have lots of write about. It's definitely not that. Nearly every day I make myself a little post-it full of things I'd like to blog about...but the end of the day rolls around and somehow the post remains unwritten.

What was on my neglected post-its this week?

The first one says "marijuana-flavored soda pop" . I swear. I bet you had no idea I was the kind of degenerate that would offer small children such a thing. Alas, I am. But it was a mistake, I swear!! There is a local soft drink company here that makes lovely blueberry soda with cane sugar. It's in charming old-fashioned glass bottles and also comes in lemon, raspberry, cherry and pine flavors. They're all pretty nice, especially the pine tree flavor. Strange, but nice. Well, the last time I went to buy some, I noticed that they had "chanvre" flavor. It was a pale green color and I thought it must be made of the extract of some quaint mountain plant, such as the gentian. I brought it home and proudly showed it to JP.

"Look!" I said proudly "I have found a local drink made from charming local plant-life of the French Alps" (or something like that)

And he said "It's hemp."

And I said "???" (as I so often do)

He then carefully clarified so that even I could understand "Chanvre is hemp."

Hemp? I have only vague ideas about hemp. Isn't it just cheap marijuana?

Anyway, it was definitely not the kind of local charm I was looking for. I am SO sticking with the pine and blueberry. Marijuana soda is just Not Right somehow...

(Break for setting in the zipper. BRB)

Another of my post-its says "educational toast", in order to remind me of the clever scheme I dreamed up this week that is going to make my family wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. Or possibly not. Ok, probably not. But here's how it came about: I was sitting with my older kids as they ate breakfast one morning, when Sev held up his partially gnawed toast and asked me "What's this?"

"Umm...partially gnawed toast?" I guessed, as it was only 6:15 and I hadn't had enough coffee yet.

"No! It's a country! Guess which one!"

I looked at it again and decided the chewed edges had given it a decidedly hexagonal form.

"France?" I ventured, waking up a bit.

"Right! Try this one!" he said enthusiastically biting it into another shape.

It was actually kind of fun. We were really into it. What a great educational game! You could sell packaged bread, calling it something like "Geography Toast".

And the slogan? "Learn with your loaf!" (just an idea).

Anyway, I had a vision of this catching on- kids using breakfast time to brush up on their geography. This could be BIG!

I looked over at Valentine.

"Ooh! Look Sev! She's made India! Or maybe Texas! Are we doing states? Do states count?"

She said (and this is an exact quote, straight off the original post-it) "Leave me alone, you pathetic freaks. It's just toast, NOT Pakistan. I'm trying to eat here. Gawd." which may indicate that 15 year old girls might not be our target demographic...

I had better stop here. I seem to be doing far more blogging than sewing and this dress has GOT to be finished by tonight. In just over one hour, we are going to church and then a special dinner at the village community hall.

And tomorrow morning, we're heading off to a renaissance faire being held nearby. The girls all want to wear their costumes, so I'd better finish Tya's asap!

What with all the curses raining down upon me the last few days, I haven’t had the courage to post anything. My car, which was just “ repaired” at great expense, is broken down again. And JP’s work truck is in the shop as well.
And I am feeling about as broken-down as my Toyota. My allergies are back with a vengeance, as well as the asthma. And let’s not forget my broken tooth and lost filling. The only bright spot is that codeine is sold over the counter here. It’s the only way I’m going to make it until my dentist appointment tomorrow.
Between the pain and the breathing problems, I’m not sleeping much. Yesterday I did go see the women at the VAO for a bit, but I felt so ill that I came right back home and went to bed for the rest of the day.

This morning I had to go to the Pharmacie St Hilaire near our house to get some more codeine. As I was waiting to pay, I noticed that the display near the cash register was quite a large assortment of “sex aid” type products. Viagra, Super Hot Sex Oil, Tigress Cream, Lubrifist (!?!) and I don’t know what all else. Gee, back in the USA, they put the candy and gum near the cash register to tempt those impulse buyers.
And I know the stuff isn’t there to avoid shoplifting, as every single product in the place is behind glass. Yes, you have to ask for your “Bois Bandé” (Erection of Wood!!) by name from the pharmacist.
And right in the middle of it all was a little pink box of…. a very common wart remover. Is it to give you an excuse to be perusing the sex stuff? You can stand there and say outloud, as though speaking to yourself: “Gosh darn this wart on my hand that I wish to be rid of! This wart removal product right here sure looks very useful!”

I know that I must have looked like a total pervert as I stood there, very obviously staring at the whole set up, not saying a word about my pesky warts. My fellow clients probably thought I was having a tough time deciding between "Loving Slick Secret" and "Big Bust Forever Developer".

I guess this is it. I took a big dose of codeine and it has kicked in. I feel a little funny. Better, but funny. JP says I'm "stoned"!! I better go lay down.