Does French culture even exist anymore?

While living here, I’ve managed to get US pop songs stuck in my head, watched the latest über-popular US films, and even bought Dr. Pepper in a local supermarket..
I sometimes fear that my blog might give my readers the impression that France is just like the USA, only smaller and populated by people that talk funny.

But this is very wrong.
Consider just this small fact: On last Thursday, the cafeteria at the junior high (collége) my twins attend served frog legs for lunch.

The above is a true fact that has not been fabricated to impress you with scary French-ness.

The above is also a definite sign that we aren’t in Kansas (or even Nebraska) any more…

What really got me thinking about this was two things: 1. The frog legs and 2. A recent post on a blog that I keep up with. It’s written by a Canadian woman who plotted and planned for years to get her family of five to France for a sabbatical. In this particular post, she remarked the fact that Dora, Spiderman, and that gang of pastel-shaded toughs referred to as the "Disney Princesses » are hard to avoid, even in the heart of the EU. It seems like every book, dvd and tv show is just a US product translated into French. As the whole point of the sabbatical is that the whole family get a taste of another culture, this stuff is just not up to the task. So, she put out a call for ideas for « real » French stuff for kids.

I quickly wrote back with a few suggestions, and it gave me the idea to write a post of my own:
What TV programs are uniquely French?

Here in France, when you turn on the TV you can watch a group of madcap, wacky NYC pals having humorous adventures in French (So I’m told. I hate « Friends » and have never watched it) . Homer Simpson insults everyone in French. Heck, there’s even ‘Extreme Home Makeover’ and ‘Wife Swap‘ in French. There is, in short, no end of US shows imported to France and dubbed into the local lingo.

But if you want to get to know French culture, it’s sure not what you should watch while you’re here.

What you should watch is the stuff below. I’m not saying it’s all great, but it’s all very French and you’ll learn lots. Trust me.

1. Fort Boyard: this is the ultimate French game show. It’s now in its 21st season and has imitations in many different countries, but don’t be fooled - the French version is the original. It takes place in a real 19th century fort sitting out in the middle of the ocean. It features tigers, dwarves, gold coins and, that favorite element of any French entertainment, D-list celebrities.
The concept is this: little-known « celebrities » form a team and pass through a series of trials to earn keys that will eventually unlock a « treasure room » . These trials may involve physical prowess (having to cross a room in the fort without touching the ground, for example), mental toughness (crawling into a room full of tarantulas) or intellectual skills.
The latter type of trial is typified by a visit up to the tower of Pére Fouras. This character asks the contestants riddles. His makeup is not exactly state of the art and makes him look like he’s approximately 180 years old. On the other hand, his riddles are pretty good. (And I LOVE it when I get one right! It may be silly, but it makes me feel like I am really fitting in)
The « gold » coins won in the end are weighed and « turned into » real money, which is donated to a charity chosen by the winners. So that’s nice.
At any rate, the whole spectacle is rather entertaining and very French, in a strange way.

2. Intervilles- This one dates back to 1962. During each weekly episode, teams from two different French towns are pitted against each other in a series of completely ridiculous games. The teams may, for example, have to dress up in giant otter costumes and slide down into pool to gather huge foam anchovies. At least one of the games invariably involves « Les Vachettes ». These are irritable , sharp horned cows from the Landes region of France. Competitors are usually sent into the ring to fetch objects (ex: giant plastic turnips) and get chased around (and not infrequently trampled) by the animals.
It’s all really weird and you must see it if you want to understand France. EVERYBODY knows about this show. Last summer in Montpellier, Mallory was talking to a little three year old boy that could barely speak. He managed to convey to her his love for Intervilles, though. « I like Rosa! » he announced, and promptly tried to gore her with pretend horns. (Rosa is one of the « star » cows of the program.)

3. La Carte au Tresor- Here’s another fairly old one. It started back in the 1980’s and was significantly modernized in 1996 to its current form. But the idea remained the same. Two teams compete to follow a series of clues and compete to find the treasure box full of cash. The special thing about this show is that each episode focuses on a specific region of France. And solving the clues involves going from place to place, learning about the local landmarks, historic sites and activities. The teams get to use a helicopter for some of the game, but they are mostly on foot and have to resort to asking strangers for rides. This can result in some pretty funny scenes, as the French are not, in general, « hey! Hop into my car! » kind of people.

Another very French thing about this show is that the people go to a huge amount of effort and they actually win very little money. The "treasure" is 3000 euros.
I always loved this show, though. You get to see so much of the country and learn interesting stuff .
Sadly, it was just cancelled last September. This was mainly due to a lack of interest by young people, who mostly prefer reality shows like « Koh-Lanta » (A French « Survivor » imitation.) You know- a show where you don’t have to see boring old stuff and learn about history. Sigh. But if they start re-runs, give it a try. And it may come out on DVD, as old episodes of « Fort Boyard » already have…


This is getting a bit long, so I’ll stop here. Be sure and click the links and have a look at a YouTube vido of the opening sequence of each show.
I’ll be back tomorrow with a few more.

BTW: The builder and his crew showed up again today! It was right after lunch, so it was only a half day. But that’s better than nothing. They installed the big Velux window in the roof and put on the gorgeous copper gutters!

Blogspot still seems to be having problems. I can't get even a single picture to load on my blog, which is rather a shame as things are finally progressing again on our room!


Anyway, as I blogged in a previous entry, the builder showed up on Feb. 4, got the walls up and most of the roof on, then wrapped it all in plastic and ran off.
Finally, today (12 days later!) his team showed upagain. They weren't exactly bright and early, either. It was 3pm-ish already, so they got quite a late start.

But they're out there right now putting the roof tiles on, which is nice. It will be even nicer when we have windows, a door and insulation...

If you want an idea of what it's all looking like, go here. It's a Photobucket album of the room going up. It will be of interest to you home renovation fans out there. For the rest of you, not so much.

Sorry this post is so lackluster. I am miserable with a particularly rotten cold. It's giving me a bad cough, making me sneeze and slowly sucking away my will to live...

Today I just spent ages getting together a bunch of photos of the progress on our house, but Blogger isn't letting me post any pics today. This is not the first time this has happened...Any other bloggers out there finding Blogger a bit buggy lately?

Well, it's not like there's nothing to write about. Mallory is feeling very perky again, so that's great. JP is finally coming back from Ouaga on Sunday.

And also: Martha Barnette wrote an email to ME!!!

SRSLY! And no, it wasn't a form letter for a funding drive or something lame like that. It was a very friendly answer to an email I'd sent in...
Wait a minute...
You DO remember who Martha is, right? She, her co-host Grant, and their amazing radio show have made it onto two of my "Top Ten" lists over the last few months(here and here). I'm sure you rushed right to the show website and downloaded many episodes, right?
No?
Go do it now. I'll wait here.
You're back?
Good. Listen to an episode after you get done reading this post. You'll thank me.

Back to the business at hand: Yesterday afternoon I had to go pick up my older kids and a few of their friends at school. As is my custom, I listened to my ipod over the radio (Thank you, Technology Gods!). I was really looking forward to the 20 minute trip because I had a new episode of "A Way With Words" waiting for me. I was not disappointed (never am, actually). Like usual, there were many listener questions called in. One that caught my attention was about the term "swan song". The caller had heard and even used the term many times, but had no idea where it originated. I actually didn't find the answer all that interesting, because I already knew it; (+in case you don't know and have decided not to take my advice to listen to the show: The ancient greeks believed there was a variety of swan that stayed silent its entire life until the very end. Then it would sing a beautiful song and immediately die.
The story was already discredited by Roman times, but the idea stuck around. Shakespeare even used the concept a few times.)
The discussion made me think of a wonderful song that I've performed. In fact, I sang it as part of a quartet in Ouagadougou at the US Embassy. (I'm the one in pink) The Ambassador herself sang the alto part. (She was an excellent singer, too. Multitalented!)
The memory prompted me to jot off this qucik email to the program:
Dear Grant and Martha,

Besides being a fan of your entertaining and educational show, I'm also a fan of renaissance music. When on your most recent program, you discussed the term "swan song", I immediately thought of this beautiful madrigal composed by the great Orlando Gibbons in 1612.

The Silver Swan, who living, had no note
When death approached unlocked her silent throat.
Leaning her breast against the reedy shore,
Thus sang her first and last, and sang no more.
Farewell all joys,
Oh, death, come close mine eyes.
More geese than swans now live
More fools than wise.


Just thought I'd share.

I am a US citizen (born in Nebraska) and currently living in the French Alps with my French husband and four bilingual children. We learn something from every podcast and usually have a good laugh, as well.
Thanks for putting together a great show week after week.
Sincerely,
Beth Jacob

Within about an hour, I got this in my inbox:

Wow, that is really cool. Thanks, Beth! Maybe I’ll share that on a later podcast. And how cool — living in the Alps with bilingual kids sounds fantastic.

Thanks again!

Best,

Martha Barnette
Cohost, "A Way with Words"

I'd been expecting, at best, a canned response "Thanks for your interest" kind of thing and I thought it was VERY amazing that she took the time to write back.

My first reponse was to yell "Hey everybody! Martha emailed me!!!"
This brought all four of my kids stampeding up to my attic office to behold the wonder of it. They were all very happy for me and rather pleased that she thinks that living with them "sounds fantastic" (which it is, mostly).

But Tya was very careful to inform me "Martha is still NOT your friend. You know that right? She is a radio host that you have never met. Don't make her think you are a creepy stalker."

Ah, teenagers. They always know what to say...

Which American accent do you have? Neutral You're not Northern, Southern, or Western, you`re just plain -American-. Your national identity is more important than your local identity, because you don`t really have a local identity. You might be from the region in that map, which is defined by this kind of accent, but you could easily not be. Or maybe you just moved around a lot growing up.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Or maybe you lived in Switzerland, then France, and then Burkina Faso and then France again.

I left my home state of Nebraska right after university. Then when I was in my mid-twenties, I left the US altogether. I apparently also left behind my Nebraska accent.

Not that I ever sounded like Larry the Cable Guy. But it's been years since I called a soft drink a pop ...

First of all, thanks SO much for all the supportive comments. It's so good to know there are people out there on my side!!

Secondly: I am SO on top of this Bad Bus situation! Monday afternoon, as soon as Mallory was feeling ok and resting a bit, I contacted the SIVOM. That's the parents' organisation that actually negotiates and signs the contract with the private transportation company. The office was closed, but I got an appointment right away for the next morning when it opened at nine am.

I told the representative the whole story and stated my main concerns:
A. The bus driver should not start the bus until everyone is sitting. That is a basic safety rule (and we all see why now, right?). Thanks to efforts by parents in the past, the bus driver has plenty of power to enforce this. If a child doesn't obey him, he can even take his/her bus pass away and leave mom or dad to drive the miscreant to school. It should NOT be left up to the younger kids (age 11) to try to make the older kids ( up to age 15!) act like decent people and move their bags off the seats.
B. There is apparently no SOP for medical emergencies. As Mallory sat clutching a wad of bloody kleenex to the back of her head, the bus driver drove into town (4km away) and hoped for the best. He had no clue what to do with her. He stopped the bus on the main road at the entrance to town and made all the kids get out, including Mallory. He walked with her to a seamstress' shop and peered through the window. He had a vague idea there was a nurses office somewhere nearby. There wasn't and I don't know what he would have done if she passed out. As it was, after much discussion (Alexa said it took AGES), one of the older kids said that there was a small medical clinic on the north edge of town. He then sent the other kids walking off to the junior high (even Alexa) and told Mallory to get back on the bus alone. She was weepy, starting to feel woozy, and beginning to feel like help might be long in coming- not a good feeling when you are 11 years old, bleeding from the head and alone with some strange guy who seems completely clueless.
He drove her to the clinic, walked her in, told the doctor to take her and left.
And get this: When the SIVOM representative phoned the transport company on Tuesday morning, she was told that the guy hadn't even mentioned the incident to anyone. What a responsible individual, eh? A real prince.

All of the above made me very worried about how such a person would handle a more serious emergency. The mind reels.
Luckily, the SIVOM representative agees and is talking to the SAT (the transport company) about outlining some emergency procedures for the drivers on school runs.

I'm also deep in the insurance stuff. I spent yesterday alternating calls between the SAT and my insurance company. I finally got sick of it and forced them to speak to each other. That seemed to do the trick. I found out this morning from the SAT that our own insurance will pay for Mallory's medical bills, but then will be reimbursed by the insurance of the SAT. The woman there also told me that the driver had just submitted a report of the incident.
I'd love to hear his version of the whole thing...

The original ending of my last post was the line " Well, at least we still have our health".
I looked at what I'd written and promptly deleted it. I was sure that a bit of snark like that (I meant it sincerely, but it just didn't come off that way) would surely earn me a big smack-down from the Powers That Be.

Apparently, the Powers That Be don't just read the final, published post. They read the draft over my shoulder as I write. (You'd think they could find a better use for their time, but there you go. )

I know this is true because the day after I wrote that and erased it two seconds later, the Powers conspired to make me regret my lack of appreciation for the good health of my family. They did it like this: They put Mallory on the school bus on Monday morning and put it into the other kids' heads not to let her have a seat. (Actually, it's a frequent situation. The older kids put their book bags on the seats and don't let the younger ones sit. The victims are too shy/scared to insist and the driver ignores the problem).
Then the Powers made the child standing at the next bus stop temporarily invisible, so that the driver would only see the boy after he'd passed by and then feel forced to hit the breaks with great force. Their clever plan worked and the sudden stop hurled Mallory backwards onto the floor. The back of her head hit the edge of a step and the blood was impressive. I'm told that every girl on the bus was in tears.
I know all this because Alexa was there, of course. I only got all these details much later, though. The first I heard of it all was at about 8:30 am. The phone rang and when I picked it up, the secretary at the junior high was on the line saying "This is the school. Your daughter wants to talk to you."
A weeping Alexa tearfully told me "Mallory is hurt bad, Mommy".
I, of course, imagined the worst.
The absolute worst.

Then, she told me Mallory had hit her head, there was lots of blood and she was at the hospital.
This was still not sounding good.

I asked to talk to the secretary. And adult could help me out, right? Wrong. The woman knew NOTHING. The kids are only the responsibility of the school once they come in the gate, I was told. The school transport is contracted out to a private company.
So, good luck with that.

Luckily for my sanity, my call-waiting went off just then. It was the doctor at the medical clinic in the town where the school is. She reassured me that Mallory was there, relatively fine, just a bit hysterical and in need of a few stitches .

I got there in a flash and found quickly Mallory by marching through the place yelling her name (btw: Works great! They brought me to her right away!) Mal was huddled on a table, weeping piteously, asking if she was going to die soon. The doctors found her melodrama a bit much. I did my best to calm her down and comfort her. (What worked best was a promise to read "Bunnicula" to her when we got back home.)

She ended up with five stitches and walked out of the doctor's office looking like the victim of a severe disaster. Her hair was matted pink with blood and it was smeared all over her face and covered her coat. And don't forget that half her front tooth had been shattered on Saturday.
She was fairly miserable, but I was just feeling relieved.
I knew we'd gotten off lightly.

We just spent three days with no heat in our home and no hot water. The crazy (malfunctioning) gauge had me convinced that we still had at least 500 literes left. But we didn't. And nobody could get me a delivery any time soon. Most places offered to bring some in a week. It was -5F outside and I was not going to last a week with no heat. I ended up making a second call to my usual supplier and shamelessly begging him to find a solution. He promised a few liters for Thursday, so we settled in to wait. The electric space heater had just short circuited , so there was no help there. We mostly huddled around the fireplace and I boiled endless pots of water on the woodstove. Luckily, my girls are all big " Little House on the Prairie" fans and they actually thought it was fun to have their mom wash their hair using a bucket of water.

The builder came on Thurday and started on the new addition to the house, but after a few hours, he covered everything in plastic and said he'd come back when "the weather is good"(which, considering the fact that we are in the French Alps, could be in April). The plastic tarps are all nailed down, effectively sealing up our back door. And now everything is covered by a foot of snow.

Then, Mallory broke a chunk out of her front tooth, whacked in the face by a bar on a ski lift. (Can you say "ouch!"?)

Also, the oven is broken.

Add to that a burned-out computer monitor, and that about sums up the last week for me.

It's been...interesting.

I had to do some blog-housekeeping recently and make some changes. Lately, I've been getting all kinds of freaky, annoying spam in my comments section and I finally got tired of sorting through it.

So, now when you comment, you'll have to give an ID and write the funny words in the tiny box.
Sorry.

I wish spammers would...go away on a permanent basis. If I were a less nice person, I'd just go ahead and say they should DIE, along with people who create and send out computer viruses.

Oh, what the heck- who ever said I was nice?

DIE, SPAMMERS, DIE!

The lack of dozens of photos showing our new room being built this week means -yes, you guessed it- the new room was NOT built this week.
At all.
Which is sad, but not at all unexpected. The French building contractor is a rare, shy creature and you really can't expect one to show up according to any kind of predetermined schedule. Wild and free as the wind itself, and all that.
It's a bit tiresome, but that's how it is.

So, this week, instead of watching the addition to the house go up, I kept busy with other stuff. "Other stuff" included taking Severin on a shopping trip to buy badly-needed winter boots. His old ones were worn to shreds and about a month ago started getting actual holes in them, which is not really what a person looks for in winter footwear. But Severin hates shopping so much that he'd rather have snow melting all over his socks all day long than set foot in a store. In fact, he'd probably rather have his entrails torn out by rabid hyenas- but I didn't give him that option (so messy and painful, don't you think?) Cleverly bribing him with promises of a lunch at McDonald's, I managed to get him into a sporting goods shop. We found him a pair of Columbia boots that he liked and, at 40% off, they were a complete win.

What was not so "win" was the moment, right after we left the shop, when I realised that my key card was NOT in my purse any longer.
I dumped everything out of my purse, but it wasn't there. We all (I actually had all four of the kids with me) went out to the mall parking garage, just to make sure I hadn't somehow left it in the car.
It wasn't there.
And to make things worse, I could see our housekey sitting on the armrest inside the car. This meant that if I couldn't find the key card and needed to go home and get the spare, I wouldn't even be able to get into my house. Unless I broke a window....
But no need to borrow trouble. I was sure (kind of) that I'd be able to find my key card somewhere in the mall. It had just fallen out of my purse somewhere.
Or had it?
(This is where you get a small insight into the workings of my tiny mind. And let me tell you, they are some strange workings indeed...)
Right then, I looked around the crowded parking garage and this thought flashed through my brain: "Maybe it was stolen! A clever car thief took my key card and is watching us right now! He's followed us in order to find which car is mine and the minute I take the kids and go search the mall, he'll click the door open, start her up and drive away. OMG!"
Yes, I am insane. Thank you for asking.
I told Sev (my six foot tall son) and Tya (5'9" and quite capable) "Guard the car". Mallory stayed with them and Alexa came with me to help search. Luckily, we hadn't gone to very many places that afternoon. There weren't too many places to cover.
First, we searched the McDonald's. My purse had fallen on the floor at one point as I'd fussed over my salad, so I had a strong hope that the black plastic card would be found on the floor under our table.
No such luck.
I talked to the manager, but nothing had been turned in. So, we walked to Go Sport, looking at the ground the whole way. The store manager there was super-helpful. "I lost my keys at McDo once. I'd put them on the tray and then got distracted by the kids. Threw them right in the garbage! " she told me. Her previous experience (which ended happily after she searched the trash bin) made her very sympatheitic and she helped us look through the whole store.
Nothing.
Disappointed, I left her my name and cell phone number and trudged back down to the fast food place. I was just lifting one of the tables so Alexa could look under it, when my phone rang. It was the Go Sport manager...someone had turned in my key card! It had been found wedged under the bottom edge of the front counter where the cash registers sit.
So, it turns out I was NOT the target of fiendishly clever car thieves.
Imagine that...

Most of the criticism I’ve heard about « Avatar » boils down to this: we’ve seen it all before.
Not the special effects- most people seem to agree that the film looks great, especially in 3D. What they are referring to is the story - how every scene seems to echo something from « Dances with Wolves« , « Pocahontas« , « The Last of the Mohicans » and a score of other films that deal with colonists vs. natives.

In short, the film is not « original ».

And original is good, right? I love to hear a new story just as well as the next person.
But here’s the thing: people all over the world (and throughout all of human history, probably) also love hearing the same stories over and over and over again. But not just any stories- special ones, with particular themes and character types that we never seem to grow tired of. These stories/myths/legends deal with archetypal events (birth, initiation, etc) and archetypal figures (hero, trickster, mother, etc).

You could, as I heard one recent reviewer on NPR do, call « Avatar » a montage of tired old tropes . (In fact, she used the word « trope » so many times in her five minute review that it made me suspect that she’d gotten a word-a-day calendar for Christmas). But if you know the work of , say, Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell or James Frazer, you might instead call the film an archetypal narrative.

I have a master’s degree in anthropology and that background heavily influences me when I see a film like « Star Wars » or « Avatar » . Calling myths and fairy tales « unoriginal » isn’t very interesting or useful to me. What’s really fascinating is finding the common cross-cultural themes. What are the stories/themes that get repeated for generations? What’s in them that’s true and holds lessons for every new generation?


« Avatar » features a hero that must go through initiation and rebirth, two of the most basic ancient archetypal events. He’s the outsider that transforms himself by passing through trials and becomes an insider.

And then there’s the Tree of Souls. You ever read a big old book called « The Bible »? No? Then please find one and just read the first few pages. Done? Good. Did you notice that there’s kind of an important tree in it? That’s one good clue that the « sacred tree » is an archetypal concept. And if even ONE more person says or writes « There’s a ‘tree of life’ in Pocahontas and a ‘tree of souls’ in « Avatar »! COPYCATS! GAH! » I may just have to whomp him/her on the head with a large, heavy sacred tree branch.
(For extra credit, look in the second half of the Bible. It features a character that sacrifices his earthly body to save an entire race…)

I’m not saying the film is explicitly Christian. What I’m saying is that both this film and the Bible tap into much older archetypes- ancient templates that help humans understand the world. And at some deep level, most of us understand this, because most of us seem willing to listen to/read/watch these primal narratives over and over again. « Original » and « new and improved » as desirable attributes are relatively modern inventions. When someone sits down to hear about how her culture says the world began, she doesn’t want to hear something different every time. That desire children have to hear the same story repeated every night is deeply ingrained and there's a reason for it.

Is « Avatar » unoriginal?
Well…yeah, it is. But that's not what we need to be asking.
How about let's ask: Did it tell a story you want to hear? Do you want to hear it again? Did you find it satisfying at some deep level? Did you find it emotionally involving?

I’d have to say « yes » to all those questions. Even though I «knew» the story, I found it very touching and the 161 minutes of running time seemed to fly by. Even better, I liked the discussion it provoked among my children. It provided a framework for talking about greed, ecology, colonialism and racism (sometimes I was uncomfortable with how it portrayed the « noble savages ». And also: Why does the future have no black people, Mr. Cameron ?)

I liked "Avatar" very much, just as I liked "Star Wars" and "LOTR", two other symbolically rich, archetype-laden films. And instead of ignorantly picking at it, I wish the critics would go read something first- something like Campbell's "The Hero With a Thousand Faces", a very fine old book on comparative mythology and archetypes. Then we'll talk.

Also: I think Michelle Rodriguez is a very fine actress. Why does she always have to play the tough-Latina-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-gets-killed-off-before-the -film-is-even-over ?
Just asking.

Plus, someone should tell Leona Lewis that « Titanic » called and it wants it’s theme-song back.

It’s nearly 3pm now and I’ve lost all hope that work will start today on the addition to the house. When the builder told me « Monday » , he must have meant »Monday-ish » - a day similar to a Monday, but having a different name, such as Tuesday, Wednesday or even Friday. He might have even meant a Saturday in late 2011.
I really don’t know….

To distract myself from my disappointment, I’ll tell you all about our outing to see « Avatar » yesterday.
I bought our tickets online on Friday night and it was none too soon. The late afternoon show was already sold out again, and it was just sheer luck that there were still tickets for 1pm.
We left about an hour and a half before the show, as the cinema was in a shopping mall on the far side of Geneva. It’s actually not all that far from us, but I knew I’d have to allow time to buy a « vignette » at the French/Swiss border. That’s the little sticker that allows you to use Swiss highways all year long and I hadn’t yet gotten mine for 2010. And it was no use thinking we’d slide by vignette-less and undetected . The Swiss police LIVE to make foreigners cough up 30 euros for a vignette (and they all secretly hope you are just passing through and will use it just once). I actually don’t mind paying it, as we do use it throughout the year, but I do feel sorry for the tourists just trying to get back home to Austria (for example) without making a honking huge detour through northern Italy…

When we got to the border, my suspicions were confirmed. Even though it was lunch time on a nice Sunday, there were Swiss police out in force at the customs checkpoints, all diligently inspecting every vehicle. I was very glad I’d allowed myself the extra time to go wait in line and pay up.

Our final destination was the Balexert shopping mall. I vaguely remember when it was first built back in the early 90’s and was very cutting-edge- for Switzerland, anyway. Now the whole thing looks a bit tired and dated , but it was still good enough to thrill the twins.
« Wow! » said Mallory « This is like Paris, or maybe America! » (Those two places are her standards for greatness) « It even SMELLS like America! » she exclaimed.
When she says that, it generally means that the place smells: a.) clean, and b.) like popcorn.

It did smell USA-ish, I guess, but it was sure small and decrepit. If you set it down in the middle of Lincoln, Nebraska, people would just peek in and say « Well that’s just SAD. » and go right on their way. But I digress…

I was happy to have the printout in hand and just walk right by the hoards of people in line to buy tickets to the shows on the other 12 screens. We even had time to wait in the snack line. As is true everywhere, the snacks were so expensive that you’d think they’d been produced on Mars and shipped back to Earth. But the kids had to have a popcorn box to share, FTW. The twins were sweet and said they’d share a drink, so that helped. (I didn’t get anything, which was kind of a mistake, as I’d forgotten to eat that day . By the end of the three hour long film, it was 4pm and I was ready to eat a roasted Na’vi )

As we filed into the theater, we were each given a pair of funky red sunglasses. When we sat down (Yes, we found four seats together! Win!) Mallory found that hers were bent and the foam around earpieces was completely shredded. As I’d seen the writing on our tickets that said any missing or damaged glasses would cost us 100 Swiss Francs, this was a concern.
« Good grief », I told her, « Hand that over. It looks like a rabid badger’s been chewing on it .»
I left Mal and Al inventing wild stories about crazed badgers going to see « Avatar » and went to deny any responsibility for wanton eyewear destruction, plus ask for a new pair.

Then, the film started.

I have a lot to say about it- far too much to tack on to the end of this already long post. So, I’ll go into the particulars of the film next time…

I seem to be posting a lot about music lately, which is odd. It's actually our house that occupies most of my brain space and time these days. The constant cleaning, repairs and renovations keep me scurrying around like a hyperactive, peculiarly tidy squirrel.
Today, as I scubbed the copper tea kettle with salt and lemon, I realised that I hadn't yet even posted a single photo of our new driveway or our new carport.

So, for your edification and entertainment, here's a pic of the guys putting the tarmac on. It was taken on Nov.17. As you can see, we really lucked out with the weather that day; They were able to finish it all in just a couple of hours:

In early December, the team arrived to put up our new carport. Maybe "team" is a big word- it was just two guys. But they were impressively fast. They started the job on a Thursday afternoon, rather late, and worked until nearly 7pm, using floodlights. Then they came back and worked all the next day and it was done by evening.

This picture was taken just before Christmas. It's the view from my kitchen window (I LOVE the view from my window, btw) and you can see the twins a friend just to the right of the carport, playing in the snow. Below is a photo I just took today. As you can see, we've had more snow and I've had quite a bit of shovelling to keep up with.

It may not look like much, but the carport makes a huge difference in our daily lives. I never have to dig the car out of drifts or scrape ice off the windows. That makes leaving in the morning so much more quick and comfortable...

Also, in the lower right corner, you can see the cement foundation for the new room/entryway/veranda we are having built! Work is supposed to begin on Monday and I have have high hopes that it actually will. The builder just now called to ask a question about the door (Why yes, I would like insulated glass in it. We live 2624 feet above sea level and I'd prefer not to freeze all year long. Thank you for asking.), and he said "See you soon" at the end of the exchange. So, it's a good bet that he's planning to show up as scheduled.

Right?

As I've mentioned about eleventy-billion times already, my parents sent us Rock Band 2 for Christmas. And even though I don't have much time to actually play it myself, I still get a lot of entertainment value from it. Walking into the living room to find Severin serenading his youngest sister with the Billy Idol song "White Wedding", for example, was fairly LOL-worthy. There was poor Alexa, curled up in an armchair, intent on her Nintendo DS game of Harvest Moon, when all of a sudden she looked up to find Severin kneeling in front of her and singing into his mic "HEY little sister , what have YOU done!?"

And then there was the time I was in the kitchen and heard a strange sound coming from the living room. It sounded kind of like a cat being repeatedly kicked -an elderly, alcoholic, hillbilly cat with a speech impediment.

I HAD to abandon my cooking and go see what was going on.

It turned out to be Severin trying to imitate Bob Dyan singing "Tangled up in Blue".

As the 'song' ended, the kids turned to me and started in with a list of incredulous complaints along the lines of: What the heck WAS that? Why does that guy sing in that creepy voice ? Have you ever heard of him? Why does that freaking song go on forever?, etc

Valentine said "Whoever he is, he has to DIE. Please tell me he's dead."

Sadly, I had no words of comfort for her. "Au contraire, my child". In fact, he recently released a Christmas album."

Nobody believed me, but I assured them that it was true.

"I wouldn't lie about something like this. You haven't truly suffered until you've heard his version of 'The Little Drummer Boy'. "

Let's get this straight:

Bing Crosby can sing "The Little Drummer Boy"

David Bowie can sing "The Little Drummer Boy"

They can even sing it together on an uber-corny Christmas tv show.

But Bob Dylan cannot and in fact should never try to sing "The Little Drummer Boy".

Ever.

Did anybody actually buy that album? I hope not. It just encourages him....

Also:

Dear Santa,

How are you? I'm fine.

How are your reindeer? Tired out after the recent holiday season, I bet. Did they like the carrots?

Anyway, down to business: If , by next Christmas, they put out a Rock Band Track Pack of Bob Dylan songs, I do NOT want to find one in my stocking.

I'd rather have coal.

Really.

Love,

Beth

The weekend was both very busy and very quiet. Saturday was the crazy bit- I took the twins up for some skiing , had a couple of English lessons to teach and just generally kept going all day.
Then on Sunday, I was up early (5:30am!) and took JP to the Geneva airport. (He's now in Ouagadougou- he'll attend a conference and then get some fieldwork in. He'll be back in a month).

After that, the day quieted right down. My Big Plan was to go see 'Avatar'. We'd tried to go last week, but had arrived only to find it was completely sold out, even though it was playing on two big screens at the multiplex! I ended up watching "Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard" with the twins and their friend we'd brought along. The movie was not All That, as you can guess just from the title. And I'm thinking of sending the following letter to the director:

Dear Luc Besson,

Contrary to what you may believe, that was not a 'cliffhanger'. It was just half a mediocre film.

As a result, I'd like a refund of 50% of my ticket.

On second thought, I'd like a full refund. Hearing "Poker Face" interpreted by the Minimoys Band gave me a bad, bad headache.

Sincerely,

Beth

I thought we'd have better luck this week, as I cleverly went online Sunday morning to buy our tickets for "Avatar" (in 3-D and in English! ) online. But all of the English language showings were sold out. Every one of them all day long. We ended up cleaning the house a bit, which was NOT a satisfactory substitute. I'm afraid it ended up being a rather dull day...

So, that was the weekend. Now it's Monday and I've been doing laundry and ...cleaning the house some more. It's the day I usually change all the sheets and clean the bathrooms. And today I did so while singing "Walk This Way" the whole time.

I don't even like that song.

In fact, I think I've cordially hated it since it was played 24/7 on the radio when it came out in 1976 . That's how it seemed to my 10 year old ears, anyway. I think they may have also occasionally played "Afternoon Delight", a song which actually makes me vomit a little. (Watch out when you click the link, btw- the song exerpt starts up right away and it's NOT for the fainthearted.)

Anyway, WTW is a song that, like it or hate it, everyone has heard. You, dear reader, can most likely hum the opening bars, as they make up the second most recognised guitar riff in history. (First place must go to "Smoke on the Water", of course)

But do you know the words?
I do.
All of them, I'm sorry to report.
This is due to the fact that, as a result of intense lobbying by the guitarists, my kids' rock band (which still doesn't have a name, btw) is covering the song. They are all really much more into alt rock /pop punk, but that famous riff, plus the long guitar solo at the end thoroughly won over Antoine (lead guitar) and Max (subordinate follower guitar). They carried the day and now Valentine is busy learning the rapid-fire lyrics. She's had to change them around a bit to make them girl-appropriate and less obscene and has done quite a bit of work. Which means I've heard the song over and over and over and over again as she plays it and struggles with the words.

Me? I'm really much more of a "Sound of Music" kind of person..... lyrics like "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" just seem to suit me much better than ones that proclaim that "you ain't seen nothin till you're down on a muffin". ..

You know the computer problems that I mentioned in my last post? The problems turned out to be beyond my capacity to fix. I blamed myself, of course- figuring that my rudimentary skills just weren't up to the task of repairing what was no doubt a very tiny problem.

In fact, it was not my fault at all. The computer genius that I called in to rescue me informed us that my computer was infected by 42 different viruses, one of which completely deactivated my security program.
Very grim.
But all's well that ends well and it all got cleaned out this afternoon.

Result: expect to see more posts from now on!

Here is my list (and I do so love lists) entitled: "Why I Like 2010, So Far".
I know I'm tempting fate by posting this, but here it is:


1. I finally found my fave pair of gloves. It's COLD and I need them! They were lurking at the bottom of a drawer that they had no business being in. Naughty!


2. The holiday rush is over and I'm getting the house back in order. I HATE it when my regular cleaning schedule is interrupted. (And yes, as a matter of fact I am a Virgo. Why do you ask?)


3. The departure of my MIL and the kids going back to school mean that I am no longer surrounded by people 24/7. I need at least some solitude on a daily basis or I get very cranky. It's not pretty.


4. My parents bought the kids "Rock Band 2" for the Wii and it....well...ROCKS! I don't actually have much time to play it lately , but I enjoy watching the kids go at it when I have a spare moment. They're so cute and some of the older songs really puzzle them, ex: 'Spirit in the Sky' (provokes hysterical laughter every time) and 'American Woman' (Mallory: "Why does he hate that poor lady so much? Geez!)


5. I suddenly remembered that I used to make risotto quite often (about 10 years ago!) I dug out an old recipe and it was an instant, huge hit with everyone. And a new menu item is no small thing, as all of us who cook for families well know.


6. This is the month that work begins on the addition to our house! I'd given up all hope that it would happen in my lifetime, but our buildrr actually came by last night to go over last minute details of the plan. He's preparing the wood right now (perhaps as I write this! Squeeee!) and will definitely start by the end of this month. By the end of February, we should have 20 more square meters of living space. Hooray!


7. I just got done watching season 2 of 'Heroes' and am looking forward to borrowing season 3 from a good friend that just got it for Christmas. as soon as she's seen it, the kids and I are going to enjoy catching up with Hiro, Claire and even the oh-so-annoying Peter.
You don't watch 'Heroes"?
Well, you really should. Really.


8. I'm going to see "Avatar" soon, somehow. I tried to go on Sunday, but both showings were full. But I'll try again next weekend. I've been looking forward to it for quite a while. (PS- If you've seen it and it disappointed you, PLEASE do not rain on my cinematic parade and tell me so. I plan to enjoy it and will not be dissuaded)


9. I've got several good book to read all lined up and waiting for me (Thanks, mom!). I'm just now (today!) going to start on a new fantasy series by Mercedes Lackey.



10. Mallory finally got glasses and wore them to school for the first time on January 4, 2010. She'd been complaining that she couldn't see well and, after some procrastination on my part, we took her to the local optician to get her eyes checked in early December. It turned out that she's sudden become very nearsighted- as blind as a tiny, blonde, adorable bat.
But I couldn't just get a prescription for her, as children under age 16 in France have to be examined by an opthamologist. So, I wrangled an emergency appointment for her with a doctor at the hospital clinic. We got in just before Christmas and got the glasses ordered asap.
When they arrived, Mallory was thrilled to see the world through them. "The grass has blades! It's not just green, fuzzy clumps!" was one of her first remarks.
So, Mallory has started out 2010 able to see correctly. Plus she looks cute. Win!
(side note: As JP works in Switzerland, we don't have the French public health insurance. We pay for private coverage. Usually, we have to pay the bills and then are reimbursed afterwards-
but it's not as bad as you might think. To pay for an opthamological exam at the hospital, for example, I gave a mere 20 Euros. Total. No lie.)



So, that's it- my first post of 2010 and my first list of the year. Sorry I've been offline so long. I've been having computer issues and a severe lack of time to deal with them. But I hope things will be better now....

I've been trying to load several pictures for the last half hour. There seems to be a problem with Blogspot right now. All I managed to put up was this picture of Severin proudly showing off his Rock Band 2 guitar on Christmas Day.

I'll try again tomorrow to load a few more...

As you can tell, the Spirit of Blog Posts Past did not visit me on Christmas Eve. Nor did those of Blog Posts Present or Future. But then, you all had better stuff to do than sit around looking at stuff on the internet. You all sang carols, made cookies, opened gifts and generally had a fine time, right?
Good.
Me, too.
My only real complaint is that it refused to snow here, despite the fact that I played "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby approximately 4000 times in a row, nearly making JP's brain explode....

When my baby boy was born, he seemed pretty big. His sister had been a dainty 7.5lbs. He weighed over 9.

Now he's nearly six feet tall and, as of tomorrow, 14 years old.

In honor of the event, we are having a party. Right now, there are seven teenaged boys in the living room, eating pizza and playing Star Wars Monopoly. Soon, they will eat this cake:

It's a nearly exact copy of Sev's bass- as near as one can get using cake, fondant frosting and almond paste, anyway. I'm not sure I'll be able to cut it- I think I bonded with it emotionally during the five hours I spent struggling and cursing to create it.

.I'd never before made a large, shaped cake. And I'd never had to color fondant before. It's harder than you'd think, especially in black. I think my hands are permanently stained.

But it looks prettycool, doesn't it?

Don't bother buying me any fancy holiday gifts this year.
No.
Really.
Jewelry, clothes, top of the line cookware, even books- take it all right back to the shop and get a refund.
Now.
I need nothing- absolutely nothing.

Because I once again have INTERNET SERVICE in the COMFORT of my OWN HOME, I am now perfectly and completely happy and want for nothing in this world.

Yippee!!!!